I Guess I Disapointed You

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I Guess I Disapointed You

Post by OliviaofBolivia on Thu May 14, 2009 1:43 pm

I guess I've disapointed you
I guess Ive let you down
I guess theres nothing I can do
But bair that evil frown

Was I supposed to know your expectations
Hiw was I supoosed to know
You never told me what to do
you just pushed me and said "GO"

I guess I've disapointed you
But I dont really care
I guess Ive done something to displease you
But I feel no dispair

Im surley not to love you
For love just cant compaire
To the hatrid that I feel toward you
The hatrid that we share.

I guess Ive done you wrong somehow
I guess your all alone right now
I guess that is my crime you cow
but I dont mind your anger, so wow

Im sorry for disapointing you
I know I did you wrong
so even if you now hate me
I've loved you all along
so long

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Do not cry on my behalf
Instead stand up, yes, get up and laugh
I wouldn't even care
So remember me but do not cry
I am not even there
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Re: I Guess I Disapointed You

Post by 2bAgen. on Thu May 14, 2009 3:56 pm

That's quite good...

Isn't bair supposed to be bear? Hiw supposed to be how? hatrid supposed to be hatred? dispair supposed to be despair?

(yes I am picky... that, and a few missed apostrophes in ive)

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Re: I Guess I Disapointed You

Post by OliviaofBolivia on Thu May 14, 2009 8:11 pm

Yah, I was writing it in 2nd hour so I wrote it really fast. Then the bell wrong so I couldn't spell check it. Sorry

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Do not cry when I am gone
To make me feel that I am loved
You'll see me just beyond the dawn
Or maybe look above
Do not cry on my behalf
Instead stand up, yes, get up and laugh
I wouldn't even care
So remember me but do not cry
I am not even there
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Re: I Guess I Disapointed You

Post by xStarr_x3 on Thu May 14, 2009 11:42 pm

Hm.
I don't like the fact that most of the poem doesn't rhyme and then you rhyme with "now, cow, wow".

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Re: I Guess I Disapointed You

Post by OliviaofBolivia on Fri May 15, 2009 12:01 am

really? thats interesting. i was trying something different. Thanks for your thoughts.

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Do not cry when I am gone
To make me feel that I am loved
You'll see me just beyond the dawn
Or maybe look above
Do not cry on my behalf
Instead stand up, yes, get up and laugh
I wouldn't even care
So remember me but do not cry
I am not even there
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Re: I Guess I Disapointed You

Post by Hazel on Fri May 15, 2009 12:02 am

Some of the poem rhymes...it just doesn't have an exact pattern, at least as I can see

I like it though, it's pretty good Very Happy

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Re: I Guess I Disapointed You

Post by xStarr_x3 on Fri May 15, 2009 12:05 am

I like it, but I'd like it better if you stuck to a scheme or free-style or whatever.

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Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
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