Walking Through Walls 3.0

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Walking Through Walls 3.0

Post by OliviaofBolivia on Wed Aug 13, 2008 5:47 pm

Part 1: Mistakes

Shane sat at her desk, trying to enjoying her sushi, but failing because she was surrounded by boy. They weren't even cute! She was surrounded by 2 jocks, 2 nerds and one of those boys that just blended into the background. The jocks sat together in the middle, as did the nerds in the front. Shane sat in the back right corner and the other boy sat in the back left. Shane turned a deep red at the thought that she had actually been blamed for starting an argument in the middle of class even though she hadn't said a single word and was now sharing 45 minutes of her life in a room full of people she hated. Shane was an average student with a 3.5 average and a nice popularity. She had a nice face and a dancers body, and a modest sense of style. She only had a slight issue with controlling her anger but she handled it, most of the time.

After a few second she noticed herself turning a bright red and then quickly returned to normal. They boy sitting on the other side of the room turned quickly and stared at her. She glanced at him and when he turned away she let it go and returned to her lunch. Soon after the boy raised his hand and asked an extremely odd question.

"What is it Mr.Coner?" Mr. Mangen said, looking up from his paperwork with an extremely irritated look on his face.

"I have a question about cell pigments." The boy said confidently but with a hint of intimidation in his face. Shane almost turned black with fury but controlled herself.

"What question?" Mr. Mangen said sighing heavily, wishing for it to be over already.

"Is it possible for cell pigments change?" The boy asked looking right at Shane.

Before Mr.Mangen answered Shane's had shot up and she almost yelled "Mr.Mangen I have to use the restroom!!!"

"Sure Shane, and to answer your question Mr.Coner cell pigments....." Shane rushed out of the classroom before she could hear the answer. The boy stared after her as she went.

She rushed in the bathroom and made sure that no one was there. She crashed hard against the wall and slid down the wall. She cradled her head in her hands and wished that she was normal for once. After she had calmed herself she got up and walked out of the bathroom. She walked down the hall and into the classroom. Everyone looked up except Mr.Mangen who seemed to be completely in his paperwork. She walked quickly back to her seat. The boy winked at her, she turned sharply and sat down.

When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch she sat still till everyone had left the classroom. Then she slowly rose and walked out of the classroom. The boy was waiting for her outside. She walked faster but he just kept following her. She got to her locker and opened it.

"Hi there! I'm Lyon (l-E-on)"

"GO AWAY!" Shane said slamming the locker in his face.

"What's your name?"

"GO AWAY!" she said a little louder, though no one turned to see.

"Wow, you have a little bit of a temper, don't ya."

"So what!" she said turning toward him. "Why won't you leave me alone?"

"Cause I wanna know how you did that!" He yelled it so loud that everyone in the hall turned to look. She quickly covered his mouth and pushed him around a corner into an empty hallway.

"Shut up! if they hear you!"

"What? What do you think they could possibly do to you?!?"

"I...I don't know." She said sadly, her eyes looking down. She hung her head and backed away. " Just go away, I didn't do anything to you, so just, just stay away from me."

Realizing what he had done he ran after her. Before she could turn the corner he pulled her by the shoulder and flung her against a wall. "Hay what!........" before she knew it she was lying on the ground of the janitors closet. Lyon rolled to the side and stood up. He flicked on the light and then leaned down. " you think your the only one who's a little special." Lyon winked again and Shane rolled her had to the side, her eyes turning hot pink. Lyon stood up and helped Shane. The bell rang and Shane began to run out of the room. He ran in front of her. "Meet me after school ok." She nodded and half smiles. He looked into her eyes and frowned. "weren't your eyes purple?"


Last edited by OliviaofBolivia on Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

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I am not even there
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Re: Walking Through Walls 3.0

Post by BPahl88 on Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:53 pm

INteresting story. But I'm alittle confused I think...
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Re: Walking Through Walls 3.0

Post by Moonlite Knight on Thu Aug 14, 2008 1:33 am

Awesome story! There were a few grammer mistakes, mostly in the beginng, but nothing really bad. I'm not really confused, just more interested about what's going on with Shane. This is what I think is going on: Shane can change the coloring of her apperance and that boy, Lyon, saw her?

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Re: Walking Through Walls 3.0

Post by OliviaofBolivia on Thu Aug 14, 2008 1:36 am

Yep you got it MK, but theres a secret to both of them. Youll just have to wait till like chapter 2 or 3.

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I am not even there
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Re: Walking Through Walls 3.0

Post by Sirch Hanom on Sun May 31, 2009 8:36 am

1. Shane was an average student with a 3.5 average and a nice popularity. She had a nice face and a dancers body, and a modest sense of style. She only had a slight issue with controlling her anger but she handled it, most of the time. --- Na good, lassie!
Ya don't just say to the reader, "Mackenzie was smart and funny." That's not a story; that's a list of statements. THe reader needs to draw their own conclusions based on what the characters does, not what you tell them. If you're good, the reader will think the same thing you do. Don't just tell the reader about a character, show them.
2. "Mr.Mangen I have to use the restroom!!!" --One of my favorite authors, Terry Pratchett, made a good point about multiple exclamation points:
"Multiple exclamation points...are a sure sign of a diseased mind."
One: Character is excited, angry, embarassed, etc.
Two: Character is near hysterical, screaming like the possessed
Three: Character's lung tissue bursts, larynx is permanently inflamed; mental capacities have diminished in all but the brain stem and section of the brain in charge of screaming in ultrasonic frequency.
Exclamation points' severity go up exponentially. If you need to really emphasize a phrase, put it in itallics and add one exclamation point. Ya don't need any more.
3. I will make a prediction.
Shane and Lyon will become friends united by their common powers, find others who also have powers, and have a series of romance/feuds between them. Meanwhile, the defense from an enemy, newly risen or previously unknown to Shane, is the sole purpose of the group.
That, or the group will go about their lives like normal school children, using their powers to make their seemingly boring lives interesting. Romance and feuds abound.
There could be an entire third plot I haven't thought of. The point is: super power children at school is not new. Unless you have some amazing plot twists and character developments (Your main character fits the melodramatic school girl profile, so far, a personality that limits empathy from a wide range of readers), this story will blend in with the rest of the super-children novels.
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