Pollination

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Pollination

Post by BlackOpal on Fri Jun 20, 2008 5:31 pm

I guess this is poetry.
It isn't really like any I've read before.
It's kind of weird, and the result of a lot of stress and the idea of going into grade twelve.
It's not one of my best pieces, and it might not make sense, but whatever.
Crit please!

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Dandelion pollen is released from their flower.
The excitement that occurs
when breath knocks it from the head that held it
is swiftly covered up by a lazy float that radiates perfection.
Innocent but not na´ve, the fluff searches for its place in the ever-crowded field.
Premature roots itch to dig and spread in a world with no room. Potentially
purple flowers are confused by the bright mass of yellow and scan the ground for more of their kind,
unaware that it is in the air that they should look.
Panic ripples through the sky as the hopelessness that the ground holds is realized.
Desperation lands everywhere and
coats the meadow with white.
The few successful seeds take root immediately
leaving others starving and alone.
They grow, thrive and reproduce.
Repeat.
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Re: Pollination

Post by Sofie on Fri Jun 20, 2008 5:46 pm

LOVE IT.
You somehow make dandelion seeds alot more interesting.

"Panic ripples through the sky as the hopelessness that the ground holds is realized."

My favourite line in the poem. Powerful.

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Boredom murders the heart of our age
While sanguinary creeps take the stage
Boredom strangles the life from the printed page
-of Montreal
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Re: Pollination

Post by BPahl88 on Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:11 pm

Very good! The last line was very neat. Very Happy It almost seemed like a drabble, but it's like 130 something words.
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Re: Pollination

Post by carino on Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:28 am

Wow.
That's amazing.
Sorry I didn't see this before.
I agree with BPahl, I love the last line.


is swiftly covered up by a lazy float that radiates perfection.
I also love that.

The only crit I can think of is that, the way you have it, the "potentially purple flowers" line splits at an odd place. It might look better if you moved potentially down a line.
Or should it be potential? I can't tell.
But wow. Amazing.
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