Sink or Stay?

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Sink or Stay?

Post by OliviaofBolivia on Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:22 am

You have two options
Sink or Stay
But if you stay
You drift away

I don't decide
It not my choice
I can't determine
You life's voice

You chose your choices
You chose your life
You chose you dictions
Success or strife

Don't blame me
I cant change thing
You chose
You chose
Not me
You chose

I'm only here for you
If you make the wrong choice
I am death
Strife
and War
I an the earth
I am the core

So I ask again
Sink or Stay?

Now tell me
Will you drift away?


Last edited by OliviaofBolivia on Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:15 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Instead stand up, yes, get up and laugh
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So remember me but do not cry
I am not even there
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Re: Sink or Stay?

Post by Moonlite Knight on Mon Jun 09, 2008 5:55 am

I'd stay, and risk drifting away. Very Happy Awesome poem, I loved it! I only have a few critcs, though. The fourth stanza is kind of confusing becuase you repeat you chose a lot of times. Or maybe it's just confusing to me. Also, in the fourth you left out the aprosthrphe (sorry for the bad spelling) in can't.

Also, this part is kind of contradicting the previous lines, is it supposed to be can't determine?
"I can determine
You life's voice"

But, it's still an awesome poem, i really like it, espically the first two stanzas. Awesome job Very Happy

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Re: Sink or Stay?

Post by OliviaofBolivia on Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:15 pm

Oh thanks, I'll change them.

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Do not cry when I am gone
To make me feel that I am loved
You'll see me just beyond the dawn
Or maybe look above
Do not cry on my behalf
Instead stand up, yes, get up and laugh
I wouldn't even care
So remember me but do not cry
I am not even there
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Re: Sink or Stay?

Post by Hazel on Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:24 pm

Oh good poem! I liked the fifth stanza the best...I'd probably stay as well! Very Happy

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Re: Sink or Stay?

Post by xStarr_x3 on Mon Jun 16, 2008 3:00 pm

I liked it. Personally, I liked the first stanza best.

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Re: Sink or Stay?

Post by BlackOpal on Mon Jun 16, 2008 11:37 pm

Awesome!
I loved it.
Great job. I love the "It's your choice" idea. Sweet job.
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Re: Sink or Stay?

Post by BPahl88 on Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:47 am

That was neat! I would stay as well. Very Happy
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