Etched In Gold

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Etched In Gold

Post by jeberexa on Tue Jun 03, 2008 5:40 pm

Etched in Gold

It was silver.
Clear, transparent
it stood.
Slowly
lines etched in gold
began to outline
the hillside.

First, the
stream appeared,
Gushing crystal water.
Then the grass,
clear as day,
erect as ever,
shimmered.

Followed by the trees,
their trunks a
transparent seige.
Finally the sun,
etched with
golden trimmings,
began to appear.

With a flourish,
a strong wind
began to blow.
as it blew
across the features,
coloring everything
as it went.


With a blow of a horn,
the hill was complete.
Gentle as a
summer breeze,
the final element
was added.

Us.

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Re: Etched In Gold

Post by BlackOpal on Tue Jun 03, 2008 7:45 pm

Good idea.
I liked it.
The last few lines were a little awkward.
And I'm not quite sure that I liked how you numbered it.
Like, the use of the word "first", etc.

But it's a great poem.


With a flourish,
a strong wind
began to blow.
as it blew
across the features,
coloring everything
as it went.

I loved those lines.
You could probably eliminate "as it blew", though.

Great job.
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Re: Etched In Gold

Post by Hazel on Tue Jun 03, 2008 8:22 pm

Cool poem. I liked it!! Very Happy

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Re: Etched In Gold

Post by BPahl88 on Fri Jun 06, 2008 3:31 pm

Awsome poem. That was very neat! Colorful
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Re: Etched In Gold

Post by jeberexa on Fri Jun 06, 2008 4:01 pm

Thanks, everyone.

By the way, Hazel, I love your new avatar.
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Re: Etched In Gold

Post by Moonlite Knight on Sun Jun 08, 2008 3:59 am

Awesome poem! I loved the first stanza the most Very Happy

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