A Destination Through Space

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A Destination Through Space

Post by BPahl88 on Tue May 20, 2008 12:32 am

I wrote this in September or October. I did a little tweaks to it, but most of it is the same. Hope you enjoy it! Very Happy

When you look through space,
What do you see?
If you do not know
Then come and take a walk with me.

From the sun and outward,
We will map out most of the things.
And when this poem is done,
Youll know all that it brings.

Our first destination,
Our star, The Sun.
Because it gives off light,
It brings us joy and fun.

Next up we have Mercury,
The closest to our star.
It may be the closest to the sun,
But to Earth, its really far.

After that we have the planet Venus,
The hottest of them all.
Almost a twin to Earth,
It comes to us at nightfall.

Next is our very own!
Yes were at the Earth.
The only place that has life,
Which brings it much worth.

After that we come to Mars.
A planet that looks so red.
Its the one we hope to find,
That even one alien is not dead.

Soon we come to Jupiter,
Larger than the large.
Its Great Red Spot swirls so fast,
All it can do is charge.

Next we reach Saturn.
The only one that can float.
And with all of its beautiful rings,
Its sure to just gloat.

After that we come to Uranus.
Tilted on its side.
The blueish-green color,
Shows its not one who will hide.

Then we get to Neptune,
The planet of the blue.
Its named after the God of Water
Now, of course, that has to be true.

Last we come to Pluto,
The mysterious of all nine.
Even though we dont know it,
Im sure it does just fine.

Now, when you look through space,
What do you see?
Now I hope you know,
And its not a mystery!
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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by 017350 on Tue May 20, 2008 12:50 am

Wow! That's awesome! Seriously, not many people can write a poem that long, and still manage to keep it good and rhyming! Space is one of my favorite subjects, too!

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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by BPahl88 on Tue May 20, 2008 1:01 am

Glad you liked it! Cool
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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by Moonlite Knight on Tue May 20, 2008 1:43 am

That was a great poem! I really liked it. I espically liked how it was long, but the length didn't mess up the flow of it at all, or the rhyming, or the theme. Great job! Smile

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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by BlackOpal on Tue May 20, 2008 1:53 am

This seems like an amazing tool for learning!
It's like the solubility song in my Chem textbook.
Great rhymes, and it's awesomely educational.
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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by BPahl88 on Tue May 20, 2008 2:48 am

Thank you, and thank you all. I am glad you like my old poem storred in My Documents for so long untouched. Again, thank you! Very Happy
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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by GoMulchGo on Tue May 20, 2008 2:55 am

Kudos to you! Very Happy That was a poem I really liked, the rhyme scheme was good too. ABCB Wink
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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by BPahl88 on Tue May 20, 2008 2:58 am

Yet again... Thank you! Very Happy
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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by Hazel on Tue May 20, 2008 6:08 am

Whoa super awesome i agree with everyone, the rhyming flow was great throughtout the entire poem!! Very Happy

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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by BPahl88 on Tue May 20, 2008 8:24 pm

Thank you also. Very Happy
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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by jeberexa on Tue May 20, 2008 9:04 pm

Nice poem, BPahl88. It's a good idea to sometimes go through your old documents. Boy what things I found!

There were a number of forced rhymes though. For example, you said...

BPahl88 wrote:
Soon we come to Jupiter,
Larger than the large.
It's great red spot swirls so fast,
All it can do is charge.

The "All it can do is charge," really makes no sense whatsoever in the context.

Also, when you said...

BPahl88 wrote:
Next we reach Saturn.
The only one that can float.
And with all of its beautiful rings,
Its sure to just gloat.

The only one that can float? All of the planets float in space? Explain.

Overall, though, it was a great poem. Smile
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Re: A Destination Through Space

Post by BPahl88 on Tue May 20, 2008 10:51 pm

Well, the "charge" is referring to as... just... charging! The STORM is charging. The Great Red Spot is charging. And, the "float" is referring to that if all the planets were placed in a gigantic ocean, Saturn will be the only one to float. It is not the best, and dosnt give too much description on some lines... like those, but, well, okay. Very Happy
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