All for Money!

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All for Money!

Post by Mr.Killerguitar on Sun May 11, 2008 3:15 am

Please don't quarrel about grammar. I re-read it several times but I'm not sure if it's now completly correct. English isn't my first language.

All for Money!
By Bradford Nathan Jesus Pirate Apple Killerguitar


"Could you just be quiet?", Faruk hisses to the women in the black suit next to him. He is so
pissed. The whole night she was talking, talking, talking. He really needs the quietness of an
empty room to open a safe. In all the years the ***** things got more and more complicated.
He knows pretty well why he does this jobs normally alone. Cornelia and her seven feet high
friend Patrick, he isn't even sure if that are their real names, they came to him, him, the
great thief. There is no lock he can't open, you must know. For the right payment he even would
steal the Mona Lisa. And no one, really no one, would find out that it was him. Aynways, Cornelia
and Patrick came to him, they wanted in this safe of this very bank. She is good in alarm
systems, she told him something about that she installs them normally. Okay, but to open the
safe is his job. And know both sit there chatting for around an hour now. As if it would be the
normal meet and greet at the pub next corner. Man, this was bank, the safe of a bank, and they
just sit there and making noise.
"What's your problem?", Cornelia asks with the head on one shoulder.
"I need quietness, I have to concentrate!"
"Ah, okay. I thought you were the best..."
"I am the best!"
"So, why can't you do it with us sitting next to you?"
She asked why? It's easy, because he always worked alone until now. He never was used to people
sitting next to him and watching him working.
"Hey, what's the job of Patrick?", Faruk had forgotton to ask it before they climbed through the
window, but he wants to know. It doesn't matter anyways, he has to start again.
"Patrick will carry the money."
"How much money is in this safe?"
"This is none of your buisness, just do your work."
Faruk rolls his eyes. Of course the gorilla will carry the money. He doubts, that Patrick is able to
count any further than three. One, two, three, uh, banana? He has to smile about this thought.
Yeah, Partick is really that guy you don't want meet in a dark street alone. He is not alone
seven feet high. He is also nearly seven feet wide, has a face like an ape, this scary scar
-scary scar, woohoo!- over his right eye, blond hair, blue eyes and these thick eyebrows joining
in the middle. Faruk always thought that a Neanderthal would look like this. A shake runs to his
body and he goes back to work.
But what is that? He's sure that he just heard sirenes. He don't like sirenes at work, it's no good
sign, you know? He looks to Cornelia.
"Did I hear sirenes?"
"That was just an ambulance."
"Sure?"
"Yes, for sure, go on working, I guess my butt is gone to sleep."
"I hurry"
Not that he would ever start hurrieng because of Cornelia's butt. Man, she tried to get him on
her side by waving her breasts in front of his eyes that night they met in the bar. But he isn't
interested in any breats. He's gay, okay? Not that people know that. They just know, that
Faruk is one of the best thieves in the whole north-american continent. No, he just joined them,
because he gets $500,000 for the job. His thought go back to Patrick. He don't want to think about
this Neanderthal man, but his mind creates an own life. He looks at the gorilla-man standing there
and asks himself, if this guy ever talked to him. Maybe he's just too stupid to talk, that would fit.
A quiet click says him, that the safe is open. He stands up and looks at the other two.
"Ladies and Gentleman, you're rich."
"Finally. Come on, Patrick", Cornelia opens the door of the safe and she goes in with her gorilla.
Faruk waits. He don't want the money out of the safe, okay, he wants his 500,000 but nothing more.
He's really curious how many money in that safe could be. It must be bigger than his living room.
Carefully he looks around the corner in the safe, and his eyes widen at once.
"What are you playing with me?"
"Oh, Darling, you will see pretty soon", Cornelia steps towards him and strives over his chest.
"Where is the money?"
"There is no money."
"What...?", Faruk turns and wants to leave the bank as fast as possible, but in the door of the staircase
stands a police man with his gun rised.
"Mr. Faruk, uh, whatever your last name is, you're arrested!" Cornelia grabs his arms from behind him and handcuffs him.
"You, you...that's unfair!"
"No, it's quite fair. Patrick, would you please?"
Patrick grabs the great thieve and leads him out.
"You wanted to know what my job is. My job is to arrest people like you!"


Last edited by jeberexa on Sun May 11, 2008 2:30 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : No cuss words aloud, Mr. Killerguitar.)
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Re: All for Money!

Post by Broken Heart on Mon May 12, 2008 12:09 pm

Wow..
Loved the story line. Very original! And you're grammer was good too! Nice job.

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Re: All for Money!

Post by Sofie on Mon May 12, 2008 3:50 pm

Gah, silly man, of COURSE that was a trap!
Good story. There's some tense confosion, but you asked for no quarrel about grammar, so I'll let it slip.
I like it^^
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Re: All for Money!

Post by Mr.Killerguitar on Wed May 14, 2008 1:26 am

Still tenses? Okay, I'll go through it again. I corrected already so much of them.
But glad that the story still is understandable.
Thanks for having finally a good audience. On soadfans later back nobody read it, only the fanfics and there I got the answer "lol".
Here it is different, nobdy reads the fanfic.
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Re: All for Money!

Post by Moonlite Knight on Wed May 14, 2008 2:45 am

Wow, cool story. It was interesting, and I liked the twist at the ending. Yup, still tenses, but the story is still understandable, so no worries. Smile

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Re: All for Money!

Post by Sofie on Wed May 14, 2008 6:56 pm

Mr.Killerguitar wrote:
Here it is different, nobdy reads the fanfic.

Well, I don't know the fandom so well. If I did, I would probably read it^^
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Re: All for Money!

Post by Hazel on Wed May 14, 2008 8:16 pm

I think this is a great story. And it was very interesting! I didn't notice to much grammer mistakes I thought it was good! Very Happy

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Re: All for Money!

Post by Mr.Killerguitar on Fri May 16, 2008 1:06 pm

Oi, thanks guys.
Hey, if someone wants to help me, you could correct the mistakes and send me the story.
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