Solar Eclipse

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Solar Eclipse

Post by jeberexa on Mon Apr 28, 2008 10:16 pm

The vast ocean
Of sky
Gleamed brilliantly,
Displaying its
Last hurrah.
Then, with a gasp
The monster
Took a bite of the
Heavenly sphere.
The sun fired back
Gleaming its
Remaining
Gibbous.
The monster
Retaliated,
Taking a bite
Out of the middle of
Our beloved light-giver.
The sun gleamed
Proudly
Its last half.
The sun-eater
Wasn’t done,
Though.
It again took
A bite of the
Pie in the sky
And the heavenly
Sun began to dim.
The monster
Wasn’t finished, though.
Finally, the
Brilliant sun was gone.
Darkness celebrated.
Then, with amazement
A fiery halo
Of golden orange
Surrounded the darkness.
The Sun’s soul
wanted revenge.
The halo grew brighter
The temperature
Rose.
The sun then
Appeared.
A sliver,
But it appeared.
Darkness collapsed
And the sun
Returned.
Smile
avatar
jeberexa
Moderator

Male
Number of posts : 298
Points :
44 / 10044 / 100

Points 2.0 : 4
Registration date : 2008-04-18

View user profile http://www.kidpolitic.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Solar Eclipse

Post by BlackOpal on Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:03 am

Ooh. Allegorical. Very Happy
Good job. Very good imagery. And I like the pattern. It was choppy, in a good way.
avatar
BlackOpal
Writing Whiz

Female
Number of posts : 156
Points :
5 / 1005 / 100

Points 2.0 : 0
Registration date : 2008-03-18

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Solar Eclipse

Post by ross007@comcast.net on Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:06 am

that rocked keep on writing jeberexa
avatar
ross007@comcast.net
Learning Writer

Male
Number of posts : 12
Points :
0 / 1000 / 100

Points 2.0 : 0
Registration date : 2008-04-24

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Solar Eclipse

Post by Moonlite Knight on Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:27 am

That was awesome! Great job! I loved the way it ended Very Happy

_________________

¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·`¤~ Join the Kingdom of Darkness, or this shall be your fate.~¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·`¤
avatar
Moonlite Knight
Prodigy Writer

Female
Number of posts : 2031
Age : 26
Points :
20 / 10020 / 100

Points 2.0 : 469
Registration date : 2008-03-23

View user profile http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1221019/Moonlite_Knight

Back to top Go down

Re: Solar Eclipse

Post by Hazel on Mon Jun 02, 2008 6:30 am

Great Job, that was good....i like the "last hurrah" part Very Happy

_________________
Message written with 100 percent more love and care than the leading brand!



Hazel, the pizza eating, hand walking, inconspicuous ninja, who secretly enjoys eating ice cream while singing at the top of her lungs and dancing around like a maniac, has mega cool superpowers in which she will one day save the world that always seems to be in peril. That is her purpose in life.
avatar
Hazel
Moderator

Female
Number of posts : 11563
Age : 105
Points :
63 / 10063 / 100

Points 2.0 : 10202
Registration date : 2008-04-10

View user profile http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/619558

Back to top Go down

Re: Solar Eclipse

Post by BPahl88 on Mon Jun 02, 2008 1:48 pm

THat was pretty good. It did seem like it was a very long haiku poem. (Yes, I know they go 5, 7, 5, but I said a very long haiku) I give you...
4/5! Very Happy
avatar
BPahl88
Dang, this user has a lot of posts....
Dang, this user has a lot of posts....

Male
Number of posts : 3342
Age : 21
Points :
100 / 100100 / 100

Points 2.0 : 2196
Registration date : 2008-05-19

View user profile http://writersclubforum.lightbb.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Solar Eclipse

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum