Nature's Sky

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Nature's Sky

Post by jeberexa on Tue Apr 22, 2008 8:59 pm

Nature’s Sky,
All around, dominating the above,
Its ultimate majestic glory,
From every vulture to dove.

The dominant species
Of the grand old sky,
Is for sure the ancient birds,
Who always fly so high.

The sky is where the weather starts,
From every storm and rain.
The blizzards, thunder, and the wind,
All reside in Sky’s domain.

The sky is where the heavens are,
Or so some people believe.
A gigantic source of mystery,
And for some, eternal glee.

Nature’s Sky,
All around, dominating the above,
Its ultimate majestic glory,
From every vulture to dove.
______________________________________

This poem is one that I really don't think I did a good job on. Please tell me what you think! Smile


Last edited by jeberexa on Thu May 15, 2008 8:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Nature's Sky

Post by Topaz on Thu May 15, 2008 6:29 pm

It's really good! Razz But it could use a little work. Smile

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Re: Nature's Sky

Post by jeberexa on Thu May 15, 2008 8:37 pm

Topaz-

I love feedback, but could you be a little more specific about what I need to fix? Smile

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Re: Nature's Sky

Post by BlackOpal on Thu May 15, 2008 9:01 pm

You do a great job writing it, but I think that it is a little empty.
There's nothing extremely significant about it. There's no allegory or any particularly vivid imagery.

I loved the rhyming though, you do a great job with the rhythm.
Keep up the good work. Very Happy

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Re: Nature's Sky

Post by Moonlite Knight on Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:23 am

I agree with BO, some imagry would improve it a lot. I love how its rhymes, and some of the lines are really good, thoguh. I like the subject though! Very Happy

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Re: Nature's Sky

Post by BPahl88 on Tue Jun 03, 2008 1:52 am

What do you mean not a good job? That was great! I think it needs to be a little longer, but that's just me...

Either way, that was good! Colorful

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