Forest Dwellers: Part l, 2, 3, AND NEW PART 4

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Forest Dwellers: Part l, 2, 3, AND NEW PART 4

Post by jeberexa on Sun Apr 20, 2008 7:46 pm

Before I begin, imagine this:

An enormous rainforest dotted with never-ending trees that sway in the breeze. Succulent tastes and smells flying to and fro throughout a richly scented green wonderland. Sunlight dappling the grass with a golden glow where the trees part. Animals screeching and buzzing everywhere. And finally, a gigantic lake in the middle of it all. Beautifully sparkling water with a crystal clear river emptying into it. And in the middle of this lake an enormous wooden raft with a thriving city placed on it.

Welcome to the Amazon. If you’re reading this journal, then you’ve probably found it on a deserted mountain top. More about that later. Anyway, right now you’re probably wondering what this giant city on the water is. This is Urbs Lacus, the home of the great forest dwelling people. I’m a twelve year old child documenting the history of our nation. You see, I’ve always been interested in history, especially our people’s. So I’m going to record it.

Here in Urbs Lacus, things are very orderly and precise. Every child is born knowing what job they’ll have, and we have a strict forest diet. But for now, I’ll start you off with a tour. Right now I’m sitting in my small wooden hut on our raft. In case you’re wondering why our people live on a giant wooden floating thing, it’s for protection. Not just from enemy tribes, but from the animals of the Amazon.

I share my hut with my mom, dad, and sister. It’s relatively small compared to some others, but nice and cozy. When you first come in on your left is a little aqueduct that continuily brings us fresh water. There’s also a wooden fireplace behind the “wawa bringer” as my little sister calls it, that heats our house up at night. Amazingly, the cool lake air can bring the rainforest temperature down quite a bit.

To the right of that is four small silk mats from distant traders to the north. One time, a while back, the Urbs Lacus people traded some of our forest delicacies for a seemingly endless supply of silk mats. Boy, they’re comfy!

And closest to the door is a small desk with wooden bark and a special kind of dark honey with which to write. That’s where I am right now.

This is the first part of a story I'm writing. Do you like it? Question Question Smile


Last edited by jeberexa on Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:57 am; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Title change.)
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Re: Forest Dwellers: Part l, 2, 3, AND NEW PART 4

Post by Hazel on Sun Apr 20, 2008 9:15 pm

I think that it is pretty good, i like the colored words in the first paragraph, that's cool. And you do a really good job describing things!!!
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Forest Dwellers: Part ll

Post by jeberexa on Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:02 pm

Here's the next part of my story. Hope you enjoy it! Smile

Well, now that I’ve finished with my tour of a working class family’s house, I’ll move on to our city. Like everything else, the city of Urbs Lacus is precisely layed out according to mathematical blah blah so we don’t sink. Don’t worry, you don’t need to know that unless you’re an engineer.

Outside my house/shack are many other houses/shacks just like ours. Most people are working at this hour, so I’ll skip a neighbor tour. Anyway, once you leave the residential area, there is a large business area, as we call it, that holds the shops, eateries, etc. This is where most everybody works and spends most of their day. Here in Urbs Lacus, we don’t have money. We barter. We used to have a coin system, but it got to complicated.

The business section occupies most of our city raft, but on the extreme southeastern corner is where the governmental area is. Urbs Lacus is governed by a very, again, complicated, government. We have three sections. The main section is the tribune. Three tribunes are chiefly in charge of our government. They are elected and control trade with other countries. The second section is a group of lawmakers who propose laws and approve them. Of course, the chief tribune has to accept the bill. The lawmakers can also declare a state of emergency. In a state of emergency, the chief tribune becomes the absolute dictator. The third section, or the judges, handle disagreements between people and make sure laws are carried out. They also determine when to lift state of emergencies, therefore eliminating the chief tribune’s supreme power.

North of that is the other section. It has entertainment, the jail, and a bunch of storehouses. Nobody goes there much.

Well, you’ve seen our floating city. You’re probably ready for some fresh jungle breeze. Here we go.

To get to the mainland, you have to take a raft. Yes, we are advanced enough to create a bridge, but then enemy tribes and lions could attack our city. And we’d rather not have that.


I love cliffhangers, so that's it for part 2! Very Happy
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Forest Dwellers: Part lll

Post by jeberexa on Wed Apr 23, 2008 9:37 pm

Here's the next part of my story. I know it's still a lot of demonstration, but I'll get into the action later. king

Welcome to the mainland, travelers! You see, most people of Urbs Lacus never leave the raft, so this is the chance of your life. The mainland is where the foragers come twice a week and gather new food for our storehouse.

Every day before work, all of the people in Urbs Lacus go to the storehouse and gather their food for the day. A regular meal includes bananas, figs, and other tropical fruits. Specialty businesses also venture deep in the forest to find rare and delicious foods.

The civilized people of Urbs Lacus don’t just walk through the undeveloped, dangerous forest though. There are too many chances of getting bitten by a lion, constricted by a boa, or angering a swarm of bees. Over the centuries of living here, we have developed and built a complex system of pathways that connect the trees. Once you leave your raft, you immediately choose one of a dozen sets of stairs that take you to the middle of the tree line. The pathways are surrounding by a net of translucent material we got from trade agreement. The translucent material forms a door where the most productive trees are.

My ultimate goal is to become a forager or specialty businessman. In fact, after I finish with history school, I will began training. The way the Urbs Lacus education system works is that when you’re 9 you being history school. There you learn about the history of our great floating city. After three years, you choose your career and become a apprentice to an experienced forager.
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Re: Forest Dwellers: Part l, 2, 3, AND NEW PART 4

Post by Hazel on Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:26 am

I love how you create all this facinating history!! Mr. Pink I think your story has a good start!
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Re: Forest Dwellers: Part l, 2, 3, AND NEW PART 4

Post by 017350 on Thu Apr 24, 2008 1:27 pm

Yes, good. There is some awkward phrasing in it, but every story has a little.
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Forest Dwellers: Part lV

Post by jeberexa on Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:53 am

3 Days Later: Urbs Lacus

Sorry I haven’t been writing in my journal recently. We have had a major food shortage here in Urbs Lacus. On Saturday we had a very damaging storm in this part of the rainforest that destroyed a good part of our raft. The Other Section and Government Section were both completely destroyed by the winds we had. Even the trees, which usually stop the wind, couldn’t hold of this tempest.

After we heard warnings from traveling foragers about a storm coming, everyone immediately took shelter. One by one, the Urbs Lacus people began to make their way on rafts to the mainland. It was a slow process. First the children went over, which was me, and then the women followed. Fortunately, we all got over before the rain really started poring down on us.

Long before I was born or my parents were born, the Urbs Lacus military create d a gigantic three-story shelter in case of emergencies. My parents told me it had only been used one time before. Once everyone reached the “Haven” as it is called, we discovered the food was gone. The third story of the shelter had stored a large supply of excess bananas, but a group of chimpanzees had raided the place. On the bright side, they didn’t manage to reach the second or first levels, so we at least had a place to sleep.

The night of the day we had came to the Haven, the tribune had a meeting. I was supposed to be asleep, but I was extremely curious. So I snuck up to the second level and eavesdropped on their meeting.

“Our military unit has reported only one watertight box of bananas is still edible. That’s nowhere near enough to even feed the children,” said the chief tribune.

“We’ll need to collect some more bananas, even mint leaves should do, by tomorrow,” replied the peoples tribune. He is in charge of the daily affairs of Urbs Lacus life.

“I don’t think our tree-dwelling neighbors to the north would have any desire to help us. We are friendly enough, but I’ve heard remarks from foragers that see them that they are referring to us as ‘tree-haters.’” commented the foreign affairs tribune.


“The only way we’re going to get food is by sending out a brigade TONIGHT. I’m sure the children are starving. And it could take days to find edible leaves,” said a worried peoples tribune.

“Okay, it’s settled. I’ll send out a army tonight,” announced the chief tribune.
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Forest Dwellers: Part V

Post by jeberexa on Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:14 pm

I wrote this section today when I was suffering from writers block. It may not be as good as usual. Smile

After that I decided that was enough eavesdropping for one night and left. Once I got back down to my bed I immediately fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up and everybody was hurriedly running back and forth from the Haven to see what was left of our raft.

I cautiously left the shelter and walked down the rainforest path to find utter destruction. Everywhere around me magnificent trees had toppled and animals were dead. Once I reached the raft, I gasped and almost fell over. Our entire city was broken into seven parts. The entire Government section had sunk. The watertight food storage shelter had been drowned, and part of the residential section was a floating mess of wood.

Our militia was swarming around the place like crazy, collecting anything they could find. What in the world would we do?

Over near the edge of the water, the tribune was meeting with legislative and judicial branches. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I needed to know what had happened and what we were going to do.

I quietly sneaked across the skyway platform and came as close the government meeting as possible.

“We can’t rebuild in time,” muttered an angry legislator.

“What other choice do we have!” bellowed a surprisingly angry chief tribune.

“Exactly! Our citizens can’t sleep in that disease ridden haven forever!” chimed in the peoples tribune.

“But we can’t just rebuild in two days. It took our beloved ancestors months upon months to build Urbs Lacus!” retorted the legislator.

“Excuse me, may I speak?” the foreign tribune calmly interrupted.

“Hurry up,” spat the peoples tribune.

“Our kind neighbors to the south, the Silva Habitoan people, would probably be willing to take us in. I’ve heard inside reports from surrounding nations that they are in need of a strong military. We could join them for a while, or at least until we’ve built Urbs Lacus back.”

The chief tribune, peoples tribune, and fuming legislator all looked at one another.

“We’ll consider your idea, Extrarrius. (that’s his first name) Any other options, legislators, judges?” sighed a yawning chief tribune. Long night, I supposed.

No one raised their hand.

We were leaving the Great Urbs Lacus Lake.
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Re: Forest Dwellers: Part l, 2, 3, AND NEW PART 4

Post by 017350 on Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:43 am

Well, you're right about the last part not being as good

“We’ll consider your idea, Extrarrius. (that’s his first name) Any other options, legislators, judges?” sighed a yawning chief tribune.

I would suggest not putting "(that's his first name)" in there. That just makes it sound weird, and we can pretty much guess that that was who he was addressing. Also, the storyline wasn't too creative. But otherwise, just as good as the other parts! Very Happy
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Re: Forest Dwellers: Part l, 2, 3, AND NEW PART 4

Post by jeberexa on Sat Apr 26, 2008 9:45 pm

Thanks for feedback! Very Happy

I was having writers block last night, so I knew it wasn't going to be as good.

The name extrarrius is also latin. So is Urbs Lacus. I like making name latin, but you're right, it is sort of weird.
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