Lie

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Lie

Post by Hazel on Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:56 pm

((poem removed by author))


Last edited by Hazel on Wed Jul 22, 2009 5:54 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Lie

Post by BlackOpal on Sat Apr 19, 2008 6:28 pm

I like this and I like the point of view.
I think that it would have been more effective without the moral painted so obviously.

I'm bad to the chore
so don't ever lie
with the truth you get more
and you think with a sigh

That almost stops the flow of the poem.

It would be better if you just had the lie keep describing what it would like to do, etc.

But it was VERY good.
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Re: Lie

Post by Topaz on Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:33 pm

I love it. Again it's not as good as secrets but it's still great!!
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Re: Lie

Post by Hazel on Sun Apr 20, 2008 8:42 pm

All right I'll think about that......thanks or the advice BlackOpal.
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Re: Lie

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