Off the top of my head

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Off the top of my head

Post by Italin14 on Fri Jul 01, 2011 4:07 am

So.... One morning I wake up because of a nightmare and wonder, did this really happen or was I imagining it I wasnt sure. I think to myself, it felt so real and I didnt know, how could this be. So the first thing I do is try to call one of the people in my nightmare, and no answer, so that made me worry even more. There was no way it was real, Somebdoy help me. PLEASE!!!! I hear in my head, im here. Whats going on? (I think to myself) I look around and no one is there. I now get up and leave my room and no one is home, now im really confusedd. All I hear are phones ringing. I dont understand. I say again HELP ME. PLEASE!!!! I hear nothing. I grab my keys and wallet and out the door I go. I think to myself where is everyone and why hasnt anyone called me, whats going on. I reapeat MOM, DAD, ANYONE, and still nothing. What do I do next, I cant even think straight and dont know where anyone is. HELP!!!!! Then I realize that my dream has come to real life, that the people are going to pop out of nowhere, I just dont know when and that it is going to happen again. I dont want to be here. I scream NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE JUST HELP!!!!!! Nothing happens. Then I see a shadow out of the corner of my eye, so I follow it. "Hello" I scream!?!? What is going on, and a voice says just wait a moment and you will see. I am scared now.
avatar
Italin14
Learning Writer

Number of posts : 8
Points :
0 / 1000 / 100

Points 2.0 : 12
Registration date : 2009-09-27

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Off the top of my head

Post by Hazel on Sat Jul 02, 2011 10:50 pm

That's pretty interesting, also a bit creepy.
I noticed a bit of punctuation errors, you had a few run on sentences. Also adding !?!?! after "I scream" made it sound like she shouted that part as well, which I don't think was intentional. A few changes in tense as well. That's always something to look out for.
Out of curiosity, do the colors mean anything?

_________________
Message written with 100 percent more love and care than the leading brand!



Hazel, the pizza eating, hand walking, inconspicuous ninja, who secretly enjoys eating ice cream while singing at the top of her lungs and dancing around like a maniac, has mega cool superpowers in which she will one day save the world that always seems to be in peril. That is her purpose in life.
avatar
Hazel
Moderator

Female
Number of posts : 11563
Age : 106
Points :
63 / 10063 / 100

Points 2.0 : 10202
Registration date : 2008-04-10

View user profile http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/619558

Back to top Go down

Re: Off the top of my head

Post by Italin14 on Sun Jul 03, 2011 10:58 pm

Red: thoughts in my head.
Orange: scared
and thanks hazel, and yeah the ?!?!?! was not intentional, did it by accident. Thanks Smile)
avatar
Italin14
Learning Writer

Number of posts : 8
Points :
0 / 1000 / 100

Points 2.0 : 12
Registration date : 2009-09-27

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Off the top of my head

Post by Hazel on Tue Jul 05, 2011 7:17 am

Ok I sort of sensed some sort of theme with the color which was why I asked. It's a cool idea XD
No problem Very Happy

_________________
Message written with 100 percent more love and care than the leading brand!



Hazel, the pizza eating, hand walking, inconspicuous ninja, who secretly enjoys eating ice cream while singing at the top of her lungs and dancing around like a maniac, has mega cool superpowers in which she will one day save the world that always seems to be in peril. That is her purpose in life.
avatar
Hazel
Moderator

Female
Number of posts : 11563
Age : 106
Points :
63 / 10063 / 100

Points 2.0 : 10202
Registration date : 2008-04-10

View user profile http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/619558

Back to top Go down

Re: Off the top of my head

Post by Italin14 on Sat Jul 23, 2011 12:24 pm

Thanks Smile)
avatar
Italin14
Learning Writer

Number of posts : 8
Points :
0 / 1000 / 100

Points 2.0 : 12
Registration date : 2009-09-27

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Off the top of my head

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum