Reverie

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Reverie

Post by bibbit on Wed Feb 23, 2011 3:00 am

Slow days
Always
Coming back to haunt me.
I chose
Windows;
Walls would only daunt me.

I want nothing less
Than never needing to second-guess.
Ever night I will
Carve tally marks on my windowsill;
One for every day we’re
Still alive and breathing.

Midnight sleep carries me
To a fantasy;
Lost within reverie
And mystery.
I imagine myself next to you,
And my heart comes alive anew.

We’d watch the empty night sky,
Broken only by
The streaking of starlight.
I’d be inept to show my
Peace and awe if I
Had all my life to write.

Every time
I awaken, I
Am forced to say goodbye…



Until the next night.

__________________________________

This is just a thrown together thing I worked on last night and tonight, based on some thoughts I've been having lately. I pretty much just did it as an outlet more than anything else, but I've been juggling some ideas of turning it into a song.
I always write poetry to to a tune in my head, so that's why the rhyme scheme is sort of all over the place. :p

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Re: Reverie

Post by xStarr_x3 on Wed Feb 23, 2011 3:18 am

...So basically
You dream about a chick... and make marks on your windowsill.
Interesting life you have there, Tim.

The only line I feel throws off the flow of the whole thing is the one about being inept.
You have all these soft words and then... inept.

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Re: Reverie

Post by bibbit on Wed Feb 23, 2011 3:21 am

Somebody doesn't understand the concept of metaphor. xP

Hmmmm. I actually had worked the word "fail" into that line before, and changed it for that very reason. Maybe I'll play with it a little more.

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Re: Reverie

Post by xStarr_x3 on Wed Feb 23, 2011 9:32 pm

...
Somebody doesn't understand the concept of "obvious metaphors". ^^;;

Fail?
...
As in, an EPIC FAIL?
'Cause that was the first thing that came to mind. xP

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Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
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Re: Reverie

Post by bibbit on Wed Feb 23, 2011 11:01 pm

no, not as in epic fail. I stopped saying epic fail when I turned twelve. :p

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Re: Reverie

Post by Hazel on Thu Feb 24, 2011 1:15 am

Lol epic fail, I don't think I ever did say it Razz

I like this poem, it sounds all professional and makes you think! I also liked the rhyming, it was interesting that way XD

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Re: Reverie

Post by bibbit on Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:05 am

Haha. thanks Hazel. I like vagueness and I like tricky rhymes. This poem pretty much combined the two.

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Re: Reverie

Post by xStarr_x3 on Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:11 am

I think I'm the only one here who doesn't get it.
I still think Tim is in love with someone in his dreams.
And he likes windows, not walls.

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Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
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Re: Reverie

Post by Hazel on Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:19 am

Well the way I read it.....it could be totally out in left field but my interpretation..... was that you feel most alive in your dreams, which is why the slow days haunt you and why you are "forced" to wake up. And you prefer the open air and night sky that brings you awe which is why you don't choose walls. And yeah hmm, that's what I got XD

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Re: Reverie

Post by bibbit on Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:21 am

Windows can be opened and light can shine through them.
Walls are solid and cannot be passed through.
get it
it's a metaphor
get it
yeah

Aaaaaand pretty much what Hazel said. :D




But yeah, dream girl is pretty hawt.

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Re: Reverie

Post by Hazel on Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:24 am

Woohoo! I'm not in left field anymore....or is it right field....whichever is furthest away.....I think they're the same distance....but I forget the actual expression O.o

Too bad she's just a dream Razz hahaha

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