Judy and Bot

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Judy and Bot

Post by WritingInsomniac on Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:49 pm

A little poem that makes light of those lovely boy/girl situations that we've all been through/are going through. It's pretty self-explanatory, I just needed to do it as my own way to let out a bit of frustration.

Judy and Bot

If I had a name I would call myself Judy, if Bot had a name, his name would be Bot.
Judy and Bot met at school one day, and Judyís life changed in more than one way.
Bot shook Judyís hand and made her life brighter, but Botís life would never be changed.
They sat together and talked about weather and other things, nothing too strange.
One day Judy looked straight into Botís eyes and realized, for her, there was no one better.
So Judy and Bot continued to talk about nothing all that important.
On a non-special day Judy told Bot the way her heart fluttered whenever he stuttered that way.
Bot smiled and said he was glad to be in Judyís head but it wasnít the right time for them.
Judy smiled and told him it made lots of sense, but really her heart was split into tenths.
So Judy and Bot still talk about weather, and all other things un-important.
Bot had forgot what Judy had said, but Judy would always remember.
So, without Bot, Judy moved on, in hopes of a man who is better.
But deep in her heart, sheís known from the start, that Botís in her heart forever.
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Re: Judy and Bot

Post by xStarr_x3 on Wed Nov 24, 2010 12:13 am

Hm. I liked it, for the most part.
The switch from first person to third person was kind of weird, though. Might need to make that transition a bit smoother.
And then, it seemed to rhyme at some places and then not at others. If it's going to rhyme, rhyme it all the way through or give it a set flow. Just having those few definitely threw off the flow for me.
And that's my two cents. (:

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Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
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She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
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Re: Judy and Bot

Post by WritingInsomniac on Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:19 pm

Cool. I was thinking about dropping that first line all together - seems a bit out of place whenever I read it. Yeah, the rhymes and rhythm need some serious work... At first I was going to make it a story, but then thing's started to rhyme... so currently it's half story introduction/half poem ha ha... I may do a story first and then come back to this and see what kinds of words and lines I can tweak to make it flow a little better. Thanks for the feedback! Smile
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Re: Judy and Bot

Post by xStarr_x3 on Sat Nov 27, 2010 9:30 pm

Ahh. xD I think it'd be a cute short story.
Maybe make it a short story and a poem that go together? Kind of like some books have a soundtrack.
And you're welcome!

_________________
Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
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xStarr_x3
Elite, Supreme, Whiz, Prodigy, Super-Duper World-Class Writer

Female
Number of posts : 7005
Age : 22
Points :
35 / 10035 / 100

Points 2.0 : 5901
Registration date : 2008-05-22

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