INTO THE FOREST

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Rate my story 1=worst 10=best

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Total Votes : 8

INTO THE FOREST

Post by harrygz on Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:06 am

Here is the start to a story i'm writing.
Cold and devastated. Empty and hollow. Drained. This is how Tyler Roman felt at this moment. He felt like he was about to slip away, and be sucked into the vast portal of death. He wished we was never dumped out here in the freezing cold and left to die. He wished a lot of things, and that’s why he welcomed death embraced it. It seemed if he died all his troubles would go away. He believed that somehow after death there was water and food and warmth. But he couldn’t let go, he just couldn’t. Never see anybody again; never see his friend Rob again. Never do a lot of things. He just couldn’t face the prospect of that. He had struggled over the past week to get food. He had struggled to get warmth and shelter. But none of it worked, he had plenty of water, I mean he was covered in snow. But for food all he had was ten berries that he picked from a bush. Shelter wise, all he had done was crouched behind this rock and slept, wrapped in spare clothes. If he did make it out of this he would never go back. It was miserable.
Just then he heard the beating sound of a helicopter. They had come! They had come at last. The helicopter touched down and men filed out. They picked him up and took him to the helicopter. When one finally spoke he said the word Tyler had been waiting to here for five years, “you’ve past your survival test.”

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Edit: Got the book the day it came out. Is pretty good! I dont thinks it's a let down from the original series.
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by harrygz on Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:08 am

4 MONTHS LATER



Tyler was sitting in his house alone thinking about what he had just accomplished. He spent five days freezing his butt of and all he had to show for it was a piece of paper. He wanted the real feeling of not only conquering wilderness but accomplishing something in the long run, for future generations to put to use. Then it came to him in a daze, he would teach teens how to survive on their own, and too use the resources around them. I mean it was summer and they would only be out there a week. Plus he’d done it once why couldn’t he do it again, and this time in better conditions. In fact, he was so positive it would work out all they would go with would be pocket knives. No food no water. They wouldn’t even take emergency food; I mean he was officially a survival expert. He would teach them fishing and trapping and carving and all of that.

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Edit: Got the book the day it came out. Is pretty good! I dont thinks it's a let down from the original series.
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by BlackOpal on Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:23 am

The first part wasn't nearly long enough to get us feeling Tyler's life.
It just seemed so fast.
Maybe it would help if you gave him a task to do while he was feeling this. As he cooked, say, he pondered those.

The second half, once again, more demonstration.
It just seems odd that four months later he's still pondering it.
It's just kind of random. Is he dissatisfied with his day to day life now?
I think that it would be more realistic (but a tad cliché) if Tyler came home after another long, boring day in the office and had a tiny epiphany, saw an ad for a summer camp or something, and decided that he'd had enough.
He wouldn't escape to the wild because he hated it but had nothing to show, I'd think that he'd miss it more than hate it if he really did go back. It may have been hard, but maybe there's some satisfaction in the difficulty.
Was he in there five days or five years, you say differently in each post?

...Tyler had been waiting to here...

I think that you mean hear.

It's an awesome idea. It's a little early to rate it, but right now I'd give it a 7/10.
Hurry up and update. Very Happy
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by Artemis F. on Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:25 am

*smiles* Very good, harrygz. Still waiting for my test. Wink

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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by harrygz on Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:09 pm

harrygz wrote: Oh so this is how you use quotes I always wondered. Anyway i'm going to write this in a quote since i've already said it to 017350,
He was in the forest for five days, but he had been waiting for the man to say the words for five years. Meaning he had been waiting before he went into the wilderness too. Tell me if you think I should make it more clear

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Edit: Got the book the day it came out. Is pretty good! I dont thinks it's a let down from the original series.
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by cam10cam on Sun Apr 13, 2008 11:20 am

i give it a seven
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by sweetkiss on Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:40 pm

I like it, the beginning could have more about Tyler, how he spent his days and nights. But I give it a 7!! Very Happy
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by jeberexa on Sat Apr 19, 2008 11:15 pm

I thought it was a great start to a book. Smile
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by laxboy36 on Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:40 pm

its really good and seems to be the start of a good series that you should update every other day nice work
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by Hazel on Sat May 03, 2008 2:15 am

I think that it was a really good start. But I agree there needed to be more to the beginning. Great story! Very Happy
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by BPahl88 on Sat May 31, 2008 8:44 pm

I think that it needs more in general. I give it a seven.
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by jeberexa on Sat May 31, 2008 9:15 pm

BPahl88, it is going to be a continued book so it is not considered a drabble. I'll edit that out for you. Smile
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Re: INTO THE FOREST

Post by 2bAgen. on Wed Jun 11, 2008 5:01 pm

A seven

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Re: INTO THE FOREST

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