What Happened

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What Happened

Post by xStarr_x3 on Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:09 am

What Happened
"Don't you turn my nightmares into dreams again." Isles and Glaciers, Hills Like White Elephants

Something in the air doesn't feel exactly right around you. Something feels different. Something's off. You can't quite place your finger on it, but whatever it is, it has goosebumps prickling on your over-heated skin. An increasing sense of dread is building in you by the second, although you still can't figure out why. The air seems to be growing thicker by the second as you walk, until you finally find yourself choking on it. You begin to cough and gag, bending down to place your hands on your knees, eyes shutting as they begin to water.
You sense movement behind you, looming up out of the thin air. As if the appearance of this thing has anything to do with it, all the light has been sucked out of the room you're in. Even with your eyes open, there's nothing to be seen but the black filling every corner.
Inside you, there's a small portion of your brain screaming out. Screaming for you to do something, to move, move, move. To do whatever you can to get out of there and back into the light while you still have the chance. Confused and light-headed from the choking, you stumble onto the ground, curling onto your side. You struggle to stand and run, and when you fail, you try to scream.
Nothing works. By then, all your motor and speech skills have been taken, sucked away like the light.
The thing behind you moves, thumping closer and closer to where you lay curled on your side, caught by invisible chains.
That little bit of your brain screams louder, drowning out any sensible thoughts.
Something ghosts down your body, drawing your heat with it, before something settles down behind you. It cuddles up to your back, wrapping an arm around your thin frame to pull you closer. You can feel the harsh planes of its body against yours, biting unwanted into your soft flesh.
With startling clarity, you realize the thing to be human.
With a feeling like the wind had blown back your blonde hair, damp from an earlier shower or sweat, your flushed neck and cheek are exposed. As much as you'd like to believe that it'd simply been the wind playing with your hair, there isn't a breath of moving air in the room. The only other option is the thing lying behind you.
Your mind going in loops, you almost don't realize when something is pressed so gently against your neck. Rough in texture, yet soft, cool, easily gliding against your skin, leaving a ribbon of damp moisture its wake.
Lips? You can't tell. The only thing you know for certain is that the touch is unwanted against your skin, just as the hand running down the length of your body is unwanted. It feels almost as if the creature is trying to memorize your shape, before it stops moving and settles its arm back into the curve of your waist. Suddenly, it speaks.
"I love you." The voice, although human-sounding and speaking plain English, is strange. Husky, hoarse, like it had been unused for centuries, or was not yet used to speaking in the harsh English tongue. "Do you love me?" Patiently, the thing waits for the answer that you're incapable of giving, its lips going back to trace the veins in your throat.
Finding your mouth start to sag, you open it. You don't yet know if you can speak, but you feel that being able to open your mouth at all is some small victory, and it compels you to try. "Aii..." You manage to get out, your mouth clumsy, speak incomprehensible. You try again.
"I..." Words escaping you, all you can do is scream in your head: I'm scared to f***ing death.
The fear is etched plainly on your face, widening your blue eyes and paling your already-white face. Your open mouth seems to invite more of it, and it swarms in, choking you like earlier. Your eyes shut again and you fight for air. When your eyes open, you blink in the dark, not being able to tell if they're shut or open.
That is, until a brilliant spot of light begins to appear, pure white in color and blinding you as it darts into the room. You let out a strangled cry, but it is lost under the furious roar of the thing cuddling you from behind.
Suddenly, everything comes flooding back to you, hitting you like a tidal wave. You scream, crying out for someone -- anyone -- to save you. Tears that you were incapable of crying before let loose, wetting your cheeks as you tear free of the creature's grip. You tumble away, turning to look at the thing that had held you captive.
And you freeze again, the scream dying in your throat.
The thing is utterly human. Was once utterly human. Its coal black eyes stare into your blue, a cruel smile tugging at the dry and cracking skin of its lips.
"Do you love me?" It repeats, whispering through the brown lips.
"Don't you?" Unblinking, its eyes stare at you, seeming to look into your very soul.
You want to hide your face, to turn away from the ugly sight being etched into your mind more and more by the second.
Oh God, how had you ever gotten into this mess?
The light flares up again at your distress, brighter than before, blinding you again. Eyes shut, you manage to turn, weeping to yourself.
"Help me," you whisper. "Save me. Oh, God, someone help me."
As the thing moves to wrap its arms back around you, to pull you back down and away with it, the source of light rushes forwards, tackling the creature back and into oblivion.
As they both disapear from sight, the light comes flooding back into the room. All the normal sights and sounds of before return. The breeze from the ceiling fan tickles you, the fabric of the carpet is rough against your skin. You curl into a tight ball on your side, sobbing and screaming with your hysterics.
Your fear has completely taken control of you, wracking through your body and mind with each sobbed-out cry.
What has happened to you? You, who used to be so strong and brave. You, who others used to look up to. You, who was once loved.
Is this what broke you, shook you into bits and pieces, something that others easily passed off as a dream or hallucination?
I loved you, and my love was no dream.
If only you could have seen past the fear in that moment and into the love beyond.
Maybe then, you wouldn't be as broken as you are today.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yep, short story.
Almost wanted to post it under non-fiction. xD It's based off a dream I had, though. Some parts of it are made up, others aren't.
Yeah, it's in second-person. Figure out who's talking. xP
If you see any typos/anything that doesn't make sense, tell me. I'll rework the story again for the billionth time. xP (Kidding. I'll just fix whatever it is. d:)
ANYWAYS. What I want to know is how this made you feel. And stuff.
Yeah. You like second person? Good, it's weird. xD


Last edited by xStarr_x3 on Thu Sep 02, 2010 9:08 pm; edited 4 times in total

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Re: What Happened

Post by bibbit on Thu Sep 02, 2010 3:28 am

Pretty awesome, albeit a bit repetitive. You did a great job of vividly recreating the feel of fear and despair within the reader. I practically started shivering. xD

Some of the sentences don't make perfect grammatical sense, but the way you wrote it sounds best for maintaining the atmosphere.
The only thing I would recommend changing is this sentence: "Common sense dictates that the human-like creature had been the one to move it." The beginning is a bit verbose and kinda killed the mood momentarily for me. But do what you will; it's your story.

The ending is great. Solid read altogether. (:

EDIT: This is nitpicking, but I would also recommend changing this: "You don't yet know if you can speak, but you feel that this, this being able to open your mouth at all, is some success, and it leads you on to try." The underlined part sounds a little clumsy. Maybe something like "but you feel that opening your mouth at all is some success[...]" would sound more fluent. okay done nitpicking.

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Re: What Happened

Post by xStarr_x3 on Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:47 pm

Weelll. The repetition, I can't really fix. xP
I actually printed this out last night and read through it. I've fixed some of my mistypes and changed some of the wording in the sentences you've pointed out.
Thank youu.~

_________________
Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
avatar
xStarr_x3
Elite, Supreme, Whiz, Prodigy, Super-Duper World-Class Writer

Female
Number of posts : 7005
Age : 22
Points :
35 / 10035 / 100

Points 2.0 : 5901
Registration date : 2008-05-22

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