The Hushed Puppy Society

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The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by xStarr_x3 on Tue Mar 30, 2010 12:17 am

Taken down, sorry.


Last edited by xStarr_x3 on Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:23 pm; edited 5 times in total

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Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
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Re: The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by Holleh on Tue Mar 30, 2010 12:38 am

Mm, I think we have a bit of the same writing style. x3 Mine starts with dialogue, too. ^^

As I was reading the beginning dialogue, before I even saw any part after that, I had a feeling it was going to be some sort of kidnapping ordeal. If that's what you were going for, then alright, but maybe, if that wasn't what you were going for, like.. I dunno, but the dialogue just seemed like it was flat-out saying "This dude's gonna steal her baby." I dunno. I like some of the obvious plot revealers myself sometimes, I'm a sucker for those kinds of things, but.. Yeah. xP

Also regarding the beginning dialogue, I just don't see someone handing over their baby so easily. I know she asked questions and such, but it just seemed.. A little unbelievable? Of course, if it were me I'd hand it right over because I hate children. ^^; But yeah.

And, I dunno if it's just me because of something someone told me long ago, but I don't think more than one person's dialogue should be in a paragraph. Just a little hard to read like that.

But, other than that, I think it is pretty good. Excellent grammar, all that. It hooked me in. Can't wait to see the rest of what you got. :3
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Re: The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by xStarr_x3 on Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:07 am

Alrighty. I fixed what I felt like I should fix. Which was mostly just the opening dialouge. Should be better now. 'Least, I would hope it is.~

I really want to know what people think will happen so far..

_________________
Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
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Re: The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by Holleh on Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:39 am

It is. ^^

And I already told you what I thought. xD
But apparently, I'm way off. xP
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Re: The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by Hazel on Wed Mar 31, 2010 12:25 am

Well I'm intrigued! That's for sure. XD I have no idea what I think is going to happen though I'm interested to find out. I agreed a little with the girl being handed over a little too easily well unless the man was dressed as a doctor.....then it's believable. I'm thinking these children were captured for some really specific purpose....or those specific children were chosen for a purpose....or both, lol I don't know Razz
Good spelling and grammar though, I didn't notice anything that should be changed Razz
*waits patiently for next chapter*

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Re: The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by xStarr_x3 on Wed Mar 31, 2010 12:31 am

Haha, you mean the title? xP I'm afraid it gives wayyy more than I want to away, but otherwise, it's fine. xD I'm trying to think of something else, but ehh. Not very good with titles over here. xP
You're sorta-kinda correct. xP You'll have to read to find out though, heh. x3
I'll probably post the next chapter tomorrow.. since it's on my jump drive, which is upstairs, and I'm a lazy bum. xD

_________________
Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
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Re: The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by Hazel on Wed Mar 31, 2010 12:33 am

Yeah that title. Titles are soo hard for me! I usually have to get way into the book before I think of one.
Woohoo for the sorta kinda correctness lol
Alrighty, *continues to patiently wait* Razz

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Re: The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by xStarr_x3 on Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:05 pm

Taken down, sorry.


Last edited by xStarr_x3 on Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:23 pm; edited 1 time in total

_________________
Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.
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xStarr_x3
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Re: The Hushed Puppy Society

Post by Hazel on Thu Apr 01, 2010 1:06 am

Uh oh poor Chief Razz
Pretty interesting so far....i'm still trying to determine whether this society is bad or good XD

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Hazel, the pizza eating, hand walking, inconspicuous ninja, who secretly enjoys eating ice cream while singing at the top of her lungs and dancing around like a maniac, has mega cool superpowers in which she will one day save the world that always seems to be in peril. That is her purpose in life.
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