Mermaid

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Mermaid

Post by Moonlite Knight on Thu Oct 15, 2009 9:19 am

A mermaid once said to me,
Please, let me drown in the sea.
A life of fear and hatred
Is not one I want to live.

Her fin flapped in the water,
Desperate as she fluttered.
The fear in her blue, blue eyes
Reflected in the moonrise.
The pure pearls in damp hair,
Shone with none of her own fear.

I simply watched as she swam,
Back forth, trapped in the dam.

She didn’t see my clear lies,

Her eyes wet with desperate cries,
Nor my greed which came to life
At the sight of her strife.

She begged me for salvation,
From eternal damnation.

I promised her I would help.
It was the only promise I would keep.

A mermaid once said to me,
Please, let me drown in the sea.

~~~~~
Constructive critic welcome please ^^

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Re: Mermaid

Post by xStarr_x3 on Sun Oct 18, 2009 8:29 pm

Awh, it's pretty.
Although slightly confusing.
Did the person kill them or no..?

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Re: Mermaid

Post by 2bAgen. on Wed Oct 21, 2009 5:58 pm

That's nice. The thing that is bugging me, is that some parts rhyme and others don't.

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Re: Mermaid

Post by Moonlite Knight on Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:31 pm

It's supposed to be up to the reader to decide whether the mermaid died or not ^^
Yeah, that part. I couldn't figure out how to make what I wanted to say rhyme, so I didn't. Is it too awkward?

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Re: Mermaid

Post by Hazel on Tue Dec 22, 2009 9:30 pm

I like to think the mermaid didn't die, even though she really wanted to. Though just reading the poem I think it sounds more like she did than didn't. I liked it though, creative idea Razz

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Re: Mermaid

Post by xStarr_x3 on Tue Dec 22, 2009 9:53 pm

Yeah, I personally think she did. xD
I dunno why, but it sounds prettier to me that way. o.o
I must be morbid.

_________________
Holleh likes taking evil slumbers. (and stealing candy from babies.)
She's PREGNANT. With a cow. How..?!
Holleh speaks to herself. In dreams.
HOLLEHS: Now come tree-size!
Holleh talks hotter than the sun. ;o
Holleh is an IN-SPURR-AY-SHUN. Believe it.
She thinks an artichoke is a type of fish.
She also gives lap-dances. To beds.
Holleh can van like a man.

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